And The House Gets Quieter Still....

My fourth child moved out last week. I know that for most people, having two children left in the house doesn't seem that weird. Or that quiet. But for us, a family who used to have six kids living at home, having only two left is a very strange thing. It's so odd to walk past that empty room, that used to be spilling over with teenage girl stuff, and to see bare carpet and hear an echo. I am so thankful that my two youngest are still here, even if they also seem to be moving at lightning speed through their teen years. 

Don't get me wrong. I want my kids to move out. Eventually. I have tried my best to instill in them an independant spirit and to urge them to spread their wings. I WANT them to live their lives, free from my apron strings. But sometimes.....sometimes I wish I could go back in time to when they wanted to cuddle on the couch with me and read stories. Maybe I could just pull on the apron string every now again and force them to come home and draw me cute pictures? Just one? No? Sigh. 

Middle age is funny because it's such a strange combination of joy in seeing your kids grow, flourish, and fly and feeling strangely... displaced all of the sudden. As though your purpose and meaning ...well, it hasn't really gone away. It's just...shifted. There are other things to fill your time, but it's just not the same.  I know that my adult children still need me. I know that we are still that steady anchor in their lives. And yet I know that this will also change and we will go from being the most important people in their lives to...people on the periphery. I know it's how it should be. I know that the little tug of pain that comes when they choose someone or something else is normal. But it's still there. And there are days that it's harder than others. 

But then...there is also JOY. Joy in knowing that they are following the Lord. Joy in watching them get a new house, get a new job, hold down a job, accomplish amazing things, get married, have a child. And the joy in the knowledge that our family, while it has indeed shrunk in our house, is actually growing in a myriad of other ways. I'm excited to see the next thing. I'm excited to see the places they go next. I'm happy to sit back and watch my amazing kids. I'm so thankful to God for them all.