God's Strength is Made Perfect in Weakness

Dear Reader,

 I'm really sorry that I've been MIA in the last little while. I had every intention of writing regularly on here but life has gotten a little bit cuckoo these days. 

My mom has dementia, or Alzheimer's Disease, to be precise. It's pretty much my part-time job these days, which doesn't leave a whole lot of space in my mind for other things, like writing to you. :-) Mom was in the hospital for 3 weeks lately and when she returned home, things were much, much worse. She came back even MORE confused and so very, very weak. 

People often make jokes about dementia. Or Alzheimer's Disease. They will forget something and jokingly say, "I must have dementia." I've said it myself, so don't think I'm criticizing you, dear Reader. I know it is not meant to be unkind. 

But oh....I had no idea the toll that it takes on everyone. Most of all, on the person who has it. It has stolen my mother's life. It's so hard to describe how it floats in and out of her brain. How one time she can remember something and a minute later it's gone. How she can't even recognize herself in a picture anymore or sometimes can't remember myself or my sibling's names. (She can usually do this, but occasionally strains to try and come up with it.) She is having a hard time even reading now, which was once a joy of her life. She can't concentrate on one topic for more than a few minutes, pacing around the house and distractedly picking things up and putting them down. She doesn't remember if she ate or didn't. She can't figure out how to get back to her room after dinner. She is content, then crying and wishing she was somewhere else. She asks to "go home" over and over. She asks where my dad is and says that she's been waiting for him all night and she's so worried. She puts things in weird places. Food goes rotten in her fridge on a regular basis. I could spend an entire page describing these symptoms. None of these things is my mom. The former schoolteacher, as neat as a pin and fastidious about everything. 

We think that she is now is Stage 5 of 7 of the disease. In some ways, I admit, this is a bit of a relief. Stage 4 was ROUGH. Mom was delusional and would make up "memories", or would dream them and think they were real. She would accuse us of stealing, of hurting her, and even worse. She would accuse the home she lives in of lacing her food with things and mistreating her. She would be angry with herself one minute, calling herself weak and silly, then angry at others the next, but unsure as to why she was angry.  In Stage 5, however, patients begin to forget things rapidly, so they can no longer hold grudges. They often become more compliant and easier to deal with when it comes to their moods. This has led to a lot more peace in the family. But the worry never goes away. Now there's new things to focus on, such as "Is Mom safe in the environment she is in?" and questions about why she's not eating and the never ending reviews of her medical issues, etc. 

I know that many people have walked this road and I am grateful for the comfort and wisdom of those who have dealt with these things. I am so grateful for friends who are willing to let me vent, who let me talk because I just don't know what to do. I am thankful for my siblings, who have been so amazing and understanding and have taken SO much on themselves. What on earth would I do without them? I am thankful for my own family, who never begrudges me the run over to the home when there is an emergency. (Like yesterday, when the ambulance was called when Mom was found unresponsive for a short time.) And I am thankful for my heavenly Father, who knows all these things more deeply than any other, and who is perfectly trustworthy, perfectly kind, and perfectly loving. 

There is a Bible verse that I love and take comfort in: "My grace is sufficient for you, for my strength is made perfect in weakness." God doesn't leave us to stand in our own strength. I am grateful for that, as, if we are honest with ourselves, we all know that we aren't always a pillar of steadfastness. We stumble. We mess up. We need help. And God offers it up freely. Praise be to Him for his grace!