Now I Know Why People Have Mid-Life Crises

Dear Reader,

In the past couple of years, a lot of things have changed for me. I'm a pretty A type personality, so change can be hard. I like structure. I like charts. I like schedules. Basically, I like to have an iron grip of control of my life. Middle age has taught me that all of that is an illusion.  While these tools are useful for keeping me organized,  let's face it, there will always be unforseen circumstances. And there is always the slow march of time, minute by minute changing what is now to what once was. 

Motherhood has been my full-time job for the last 23 years. Home educating my children has been my second full-time job for almost that entire time. Every summer was spent researching curriculum. The school days were full of reading aloud, reviewing material, talking, doing experiments, you name it. I drove them to every lesson, every class, every activity. And I loved it. I truly did. (Except for marking grammar, which only sadistic, evil people love.) I felt privileged to be a part of their lives. I felt privileged to be able to stay home with them and watch them learn and grow. (Please don't get me wrong, it was NOT always a picnic. Not even close. But I'm telling you my overall feeling about homeschooling in general.) 

And then...well, my kids grew up. My current situation is that three of my six kids have moved out. They are all successful, wonderful people of whom I am so very proud. And I have three kids still at home. The oldest of the three is now in grade 12 and going to school. (Or, "real school" as she calls it. LOL.) My youngest two are both online this year, one in grade 9 and one in grade 10. 

Which leaves me in...well...limbo. I have very little to do wtih their schooling, short of making sure that they are doing their assignments and assuring them that they need more than one afternoon to write an entire essay. So now I am trying to figure out what I want to do with my life. It's a strange, strange thing. I've always had a purpose. A goal. Something new to accomplish with regards to teaching. And now....now my days are curriculum free and teaching free and I'm at loose ends. I mean, don't get me wrong, I hate to be bored so I've been keeping myself busy. Plus, the beginning of the school year involved a lot of teaching about how to work within a school system. (My hippie children are learning how to jump through hoops.) But now I need to find a purpose, you know? And I don't want to jump right into something without resting in this unknown for a bit and praying about it. 

Which leads me to the title of this blog post. When I hear the words "mid-life crisis", I think of the guy in the movies who buys a sportscar, dumps his wife, trades her in for a newer model, and then dyes his hair a terrible shade of blonde. Aging isn't something to be ashamed of or to escape. But I have to say that it does take some getting used to. And so for now, dear reader, I will breathe and write and hang out with my wonderful family and eventually figure out what's next. I look forward to discovering what the Author of Life has in store for me.