I Didn't Know that Middle Age Would Involve So Much Loss

 Dear Reader,

I remember thinking when my kids were young how very hard it was. How exhausted I was, how things sped by and I never got a moment to breathe. I remember people saying to me, "Little kids, little problems, big kids, big problems" and being SO annoyed with them because I felt like I had plenty of big problems at that point, thank you very much. That stage of life IS hard. But what age (and hopefully a smattering of wisdom) has taught me is that every stage of life is hard in its own way. And I don't want to continually look back of each stage and keep sighing over "the good ol' days."  I want to learn to be content and happy where I am right now. This being said, I have to say that there are days lately that I struggle. Middle age is no joke. 

What I didn't know back in my 20's, and what no one seemed to talk about, is just how much loss this season of life involves. In the next few posts, I thought I'd share some of the losses that I've experienced in the last few years and what I've learned from them. There are things that have ...well, not exactly surprised me, that would be too strong of a word, since I DO know how "life" works, in terms of loss being inevitable.  But some things have...taken me aback because of how strongly they have impacted me. I'm sure that they've impacted you too, dear reader. 

 I didn't know that I could lose so many people I love to the Last Enemy. The ones I was closest to, my grandma and my dad, both to prolonged battles with cancer. Watching them suffer with such grace and dignity was both agonizing and uplifting. Long days of sitting in the hospital, watching them lose their battle slowly and with such agony. But also seeing their faith in God, their continual trust. That weak smile and those kind eyes. The last time I saw my grandma, I said, "Grandma, I will see you in heaven, where you will have no more pain or suffering. It will be wonderful." And she, as weak as she was, grabbed my arm, looked me in the eye, and said, "Yes, it will." I am looking forward to seeing that wonderful lady again.

And my dad's last words to me were simply, "I love you." The loss that I felt at his death was huge. It's like I was  just stumbling through life, doing all the stuff I needed to do, but longing to sit on a beach in the middle of nowhere and howl and cry. I knew I couldn't, because I had obligations, duties. A family that needed me. (And what a blessing those duties were, now that I think of it!) I had a life to live. And God gave me hope. Despair doesn't win. God wins.

And now I am slowly losing my mom to the agonizing assault of dementia. (I'll discuss more about this in further posts, but suffice it to say that having a loved one with dementia is a kind of "layered loss". I know that many of you have dealt with this or are in the middle of this too.) 

No one is left untouched by Death. It is indeed the "Last Enemy".  I have seen so much of it lately, both in my family, and in my friends' families. But God gives us Hope, dear reader. Because: 

"Death is swallowed up in victory.

Oh, death, where is your victory?

Oh death, where is your sting?"

The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ." 

1 Cor. 15: 55-57

All glory be to God!